5 Common Lies Women Tell Themselves – I Will Never Be Happy

5 Common Lies Women Tell Themselves - I Will Never Be Happy

 

I have to be honest, this lie is a tough one to fight. Especially if you’re struggling with depression or anxiety because often you feel you will never be happy again.

The Difference Between Happiness & Joy

I remember when I first went to counseling, learning the difference between happiness and joy.

Happiness is a feeling. We feel happy when we eat our favorite dessert (or at least I do). We feel happy when we’re on vacation, when our children are not fighting with us or each other, or when they sleep through the night. Happiness is based on how we are feeling “in the moment”.

Joy is a belief. It is a lifestyle and is not dependant on our outward circumstances.

What is Joy?

Kay Warren describes Joy in her book “Choosing Joy: Because Happiness Isn’t Enough,” as the “settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.”

Joy is knowing, no matter what happens, that you will be OK. Through illness, family discord, loss of employment, or unexpected chaos, your life is in the hands of a Father who loves you.

Rather than focusing on how you will “never be happy”, focus on what gives you true joy. Your children, your spouse, your relationship with God.

Turn Happiness into Joy

I would love for you to share with us, how you would change “I will never be happy” into “I can have joy because . . . .” Leave a comment below, it may just help someone else. 🙂

 

Join me over at Choosing JOY, a Facebook group for women to encourage each other and grow together through depression and anxiety. 

Facebook Group - Choosing JOY

 

 

 

5 Common Lies Women Tell Themselves - I Will Never Be Happy

 

 

Recognize Your Thoughts For What They Truly Are: Convicting or Condemning

For years, I listened to so many condemning thoughts in my head. And 99% of these thoughts were not from outside sources, they were from me.

After years of perfecting the practice of saying and believing the lies I was telling myself, it became extremely difficult to distinguish between what was a skewed version of the truth and what honest thoughts I should be listening to.

There are 3 simple steps you can take each and every day, to finally recognize your thoughts for what they are: convicting or condemning.

There is one basic truth you need to know before beginning this exercise:

Beliefs come from your Feelings. Feelings come from your Thoughts.

It is vitally important what thoughts you allow into your mind. The good news is, YOU have control over what thoughts you listen to. One of the foundational truths I learned through counselling is that I am responsible for my thoughts. I say “Yes” or “No” to each and every thought I allow into my mind.

Not believing this truth, makes it too easy to give up and believe that you cannot change your thinking. The enemy wants you to believe this. The more you believe this, the easier it is to convince yourself that you have no control over your thoughts and feelings and that you should simply give in to the will of these thoughts and feelings.

How do you best determine if your thoughts are condemning or convicting?

STEP #1: Recognize the Emotion

Anytime you are dealing with thoughts and feelings, you HAVE to deal with the emotion first. Why is that? By their very nature, emotions can be fickle, unpredictable, and irrational. This in no way makes them bad. God gave us emotions, so we can understand and express our feelings, empathize with other people, and experience life to the fullest.

If we are going to recognize thoughts for what they are – condemning or convicting – we need to deal with and get rid of any irrational emotion first.

Step #2: Know the Difference Between Conviction & Condemnation

First, you have to know what conviction and condemnation are:

Conviction is Truth that comes from God. God’s Truth is always edifying. He will never motivate you through criticism, belittlement or guilt.

I love how this article explains what conviction from God truly is:

When the Holy Spirit corrects or convicts us, I like to describe it as the “get in–get out” theory. He is going to correct and discipline us and show us what we did wrong. He is going to get in and get out. He is not going to badger us or nag at us about the same thing. He is going to show us the mistake, lay it upon our heart to repent and ask for forgiveness and then He is going to expect us to move on. He will keep convicting us until we do something about it.

Condemnation is anything that does not edify or lift you up. John 10:10 describes precisely what condemnation is –  anything the enemy uses to steal from you (joy, peace, hope, for example) and completely destroy you.

Step #3: Choose What You Will Do With Your Thoughts

This step, although simple, is not always easy. Often we want to hang onto certain thoughts. Especially those that we feel justified in believing, have always believed that particular thought system is the truth, or quite frankly, we feel we deserve to believe.

If you’re having a tough time taking action on this step, go back to Step #2. 

Once you’ve decided it’s time to take action, the next steps are very simple.

If the thought is convicting, then you need to act on it.

If the thought is condemning, then you need to disregard it and completely reject it. Don’t allow that condemning thought to go any further, otherwise, it will begin to influence your feelings and eventually your beliefs.

Trust me when I say I have way too much experience in this area.

Tell me, have you gone through this process before? Do you practice these principles in order to determine if your thoughts are convicting or condemning?

 

Join me over at Choosing JOY, a Facebook group for women to encourage each other and grow together through depression and anxiety. 

 

When You’re Between a Rock & Hard Place . . . Remove the Rock

To some of you, the above statement makes perfect sense.

For me, I’d rather do anything but remove the rock.

Complain about the rock.

Stomp on the rock.

Yell at the rock.

Use Jedi mind tricks to try and move the rock.

Seriously, you see why I have issues. 😉

Many of you know my husband and I are seeing a counselor. It has been a very eye-opening process. It’s been so good for my husband and I and I’m so thankful we’re going together.

This past week I was able to communicate my need for “a break”. What I really said was, “I FEEL LIKE I CAN’T CATCH A BREAK!” Yeah, just like that.

Over the last few months, overwhelm and imbalance have both devoured my life. And I am beginning to seriously feel it.

After verbalizing my feelings and listening to some profound and wise advice, I realized that I am in a constant state of hopelessness – feeling like I’m between a rock and a hard place.

And I need to remove that darn rock.

With help from our counselor, we were able to work out a strategy together, to begin the journey towards balance in my life. I cannot express to you the relief and peace I felt simply knowing we are now on the right track.

My question for you today . . . what is your rock?

It’s different for everyone. Your rock could be finally admitting you need help. Or giving up something you don’t want to but know you need to. Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure you know what I’m talking about. It’s something that is keeping you feeling stuck, without hope.

And I KNOW that is not a fun place to be.

Take a few moments after reading this email to ask God to show you what rock needs to be removed from your life. Don’t spend one more moment complaining or yelling at it.

Simply remove the rock.

 

Join me over at Choosing JOY, a Facebook group for women to encourage each other and grow together through depression and anxiety. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Ways to Change a Negative Mindset

If want you learn how to change a negative mindset, I can definitely help you with that. Not because I’m great at being positive all the time, but because I used to be a “negative mindset expert” also known as constantly negative and bumming everyone out around me!

Before I even realized I was living with depression, I would look at a situation and think of the worst possible option. My nature was to be judgmental, opinionated, and extremely critical. Now I didn’t always let others know what I was thinking, but even if I didn’t speak these things out loud, they definitely showed themselves through my attitude, my short temper and my daily interactions with others.

So how does someone with a constant bad attitude, which was more like living a negative lifestyle, turn those thoughts around and make them point in the right direction? 

As a life coach, the following suggestions are my top 3 ways to change my client’s negative mindset. Before I go into any more detail though you need to hear this. It is a process. This is not something that will change overnight. You will need to be diligent and consistent. This is the beginning of a journey towards a more balanced mindset and a more peaceful YOU.

Practice Gratitude

Can I be honest and tell you this is my least favorite way to change my attitude? When I’m in a “mood” the very last thing I want to do is be grateful. I’d rather complain about everything instead.

Being thankful, before you feel like being thankful, causes a shift in your mindset. It automatically takes you from focusing inward to focusing on the truth that is all around you.

Ideas for practicing gratitude:

Write a thank you note.
Tell your family why you love them.
Write down one item you’re thankful for every day.

Do for Others

This one is fantastic. Not only are you not focusing on yourself and your own troubles, you’re purposefully doing something helpful or kind for someone else. It is impossible to be negative and be kind to someone else all at the same time.

Ideas for doing for others:

Bring your friend or co-worker their favorite coffee.
Text your spouse a love note.
Bring home your children’s favorite dessert.

Read, Read, Read!

There are so many different ways to read these days. Blogs, online articles, ebooks, and real live books are available all around us. Even for those people who say they aren’t readers, this is such a simple strategy for taking that negative mindset and turning it into a positive attitude.

Ideas for reading:

Daily devotional
The Bible – particularly the Psalms
Blogs or online articles
Books on parenting, marriage, faith, and self-discovery

These suggestions may seem almost too simple, but practiced every day, compound on each other and make a huge impact in your attitude and your life.

Do you have a need to change your negative mindset? What strategies do you use to focus on having a positive attitude?

 

 

 

Join me for my newest course, 5 Keys to Winning the Daily Battle with Depression & Anxiety. This course is designed to help you create your own unique strategy for living a life of true peace and real joy.

Course launches April 1, 2017.