As a teenager, I remember reading an article from a Christian teen magazine about being mad at God. The author was telling the readers that it’s OK to tell God when you’re mad at Him. He’s God. He can handle it. Besides, He knows anyway. I have to tell you, I was completely appalled.
“There’s no way I could yell at God. He’s God!!”
I’m not sure why I thought that, but the closer I grow to Him, the more I realize not only can I tell him my real feelings, I NEED to.
The summer after Connor was born had to be one of the darkest times in my life. I was angry, feeling sorry for myself, completely discontent, and emotionally disconnected from my husband and my kids.
I blamed God for all of it.
One particular afternoon on my way home from work, I pulled over and just let God have it. I screamed at Him. I yelled at Him. I had just about had enough of what we were going through and finally let it all out. I told Him how I hated my life, I hated where we were at that particular moment in time, and accused Him of not wanting to change it for the better.
I don’t believe what I said to God was wrong or sinful. Now, I don’t believe you should just casually talk that way to God anytime you want, but if you are at the point of utter hopelessness and defeat, you have to tell Him. Only He can lift you up out of a world of darkness and condemnation.
Our Father knows what has happened to each one of us that causes us to reject Him or blame Him. He knows the hurt we have inside, the unforgiveness we still hold onto, and the guilt that we cannot let go. If we don’t tell Him about these things and be honest with Him, He cannot help us. He is a fair and just God and He will not intervene unless we let Him.
I finally asked myself, “Do I want to live this way for the rest of my life?” Thankfully, my answer was no, but I didn’t know what to do about it. That’s when I started seeing my counselor. Between him, my husband, and a close friend, they all encouraged me to “verbally vomit” all over God.
This “verbal vomit” was the beginning of healing for me.
There is a song by Jeremy Camp that pretty much brings me to tears when I hear it on the radio. It talks about how through our pain, anger and hurt, God will always take us back. Because He is a God of compassion and love.
“The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.” (Psalm 103:8)
I never truly believed that God is as compassionate and loving as His Word says. When I came back to God, after all the things I screamed at Him, thought about Him, and blamed Him for, I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He is a loving Father, full of compassion and mercy.
It’s amazing how God changes your life when you experience His unfailing love.
Join me over at Choosing JOY, a private FB group for women to encourage and support each other through depression and anxiety.