As women, this statement right here gets us every time. I’ll use myself as an example.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve said things like “I have to do everything around here!” or “No one helps me. They’re fine with letting me do all the work!”
My middle daughter tells me often, “Mom, I offer to help you and you say no. And then 15 minutes later you’re complaining about how you have to do everything.”
You know what I call this? Martyr syndrome. Yup, I’m acting like a martyr.
A martyr is “someone who is killed because of their religious or other beliefs”. Now I am not making fun of martyrs, not one bit. But when I say things like “I have to do everything!” I am acting like I’m sacrificing myself for the cause. The cause of what? A clean house? Clean laundry? Running errands? Running my kids to and from drama practice/cheer practice/games/parties?
No thank you. I’m willing to sacrifice myself for my family but not in the name of winning the “Best Mom” award.
I’d love to be able to answer the question of WHY we do this to ourselves. Why do we as women sacrifice ourselves for stupid things? (Yes, I said stupid.) Why do we feel like being the best mother, best employee, best wife, best business owner, best neighbor or best volunteer means we have to be and do all things for everyone? That is INSANE! And that is a recipe for a mental or nervous breakdown. (Trust me – I know this all too well.)
While I cannot answer the question of WHY, I can answer the question of HOW. How do we stop ourselves from accepting and believing this lie? How do we take a step back and gain perspective on what is truly important in our own lives? And remember, what is important in your life, may not be important in someone else’s life. Therefore, NO JUDGING! I’m totally talking to myself here too.
What can you do and how can you stop taking responsibility for “everything”?
It’s actually quite simple. Most of us need to get our of our own way before we can follow these steps.
This step right here is one of the first things I teach my clients in my “Control the Chaos: Home Management” coaching program.
Ask for help. Get your family involved. Every single person in your home can pitch in and help out. Create a chore chart for you, your spouse, and your children. If you’re not married or have no children, ask for help from friends or co-workers. We were never meant to live this life alone.
Stop doing what is not necessary. Does the living room have to be vacuumed every day? Will your child suffer tremendous torture if you don’t take her to her friend’s house for the weekend? (She may think so – lol!) Will your husband go to work naked if you don’t do that huge pile of laundry on the bathroom floor? Stop taking responsibility for something that is NOT your responsibility.
Here’s the tough question: Which of these options, “ASK” or “STOP” do you have trouble practicing the most? A reminder for you as well – This is not something that will change overnight. It will take consistency, determination and letting go of your pride (that’s me!!) in order to change the habits you’ve been practicing for years.
If you know you need help in this area, or you’re not sure where to begin, click on the link below to schedule a free phone chat with me. We can chat about what needs to happen in your life and your home so you (and your family) can live a less stressful, more closely connected life together.
Join us over at Choosing JOY, where you’ll find daily encouragement and support because we were never meant to “do life” alone.